How to be green without being an idiot.

There are lots of ways to be green, reduce your carbon footprint, and fight global warming. You could drive a hybrid, become a vegetarian, or have green sex.

All of those things make you a douchebag. The best solutions to imagined problems are usually the easiest ones, and that is why you should drink wine from a box. Not only is it cheaper, it lasts longer, and it fits under a car seat better, but it's also easier to throw across a river.

Switching to wine in a box for the 97 percent of wines that are made to be consumed within a year would reduce greenhouse gas emissions by about two million tons, or the equivalent of retiring 400,000 cars.

(Remember, for only $2,850,200,000, the US government retired nearly 678,000 cars.)

So please, don't turn your back on America, be green without being an idiot, and drink wine from a box.