Friday, February 26, 2010

So Simple, Even a Liberal Can Do It

Gnome Enthusiast's 10 easy steps to ending racism in America.
1. Make it illegal for any government agency for any reason to ask your race. That includes scholarships, census forms, job applications, everything.

2. Understand that though the government shouldn't be allowed to ask the question, private businesses should be able to do whatever the hell they want. This means that if a business owner wants to hire only white people at his restaurant then that is his prerogative. It should not be illegal. You don't like it? Let people know. The free market will take care of it.

PETA hates young boys


If you want to vomit, read PETA's request to the Boy Scouts of America to "retire" the Fishing and Fish & Wildlife Management Merit Badges.

Now that your stomach's empty, read the original BSA Handbook's recipe for frog legs and live like a real man.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Mouse That Roared

President Barack Obama wants you to be the loudest 23% you can be! And it seems sharing personal stories about how health reform affects you and your family is a great way to show the importance and urgency of health reform.

Hiding the Heroes

If a teacher in Littleton, Colorado (of all places) courageously stopped a shooting rampage at a public school, you'd think it would be pretty big news, right?

The answer is "no".   As we all know, it's only newsworthy if a shooter tallies a successful bodycount.

Well, even if you haven't yet heard of David Benke, he's a math teacher who courageously stopped a  shooting rampage at a public school.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Seoul is for the lucky. Pyongyang is for fairies.


If you have been watching the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver, you probably saw at least one Korean athlete. I noticed while watching one of the speed skating competitions that on the back of one fellow's. . . leotard. . . thing- it read "Korea."

In case you don't know why it does not specify whether it was North or South, here is the straight scoop. There is only one Korea. The Republic of Korea (aka South Korea) does not formally recognize the sovereignty of north Korea. If you were at the airport in Inchon, ROK and saw an abbreviation of the neighbor to the north, it would look like "nK." Little n, big K.

Seoul is beautiful. Osan smells funny. Taking a tour of the Korean DMZ is a fantastic experience. Korea kicks ass and ROK Marines can f- you up.

Q: Son esos pantalones de espacio?


Judging by his piece in the Wall Street Journal, I don't think I'm going out on a limb when I say that John Yoo has juevos grande, aka fat nuts. (That about sums up my entire Spanish vocabulary and it is probably incorrect).

Let me share the first paragraph:
"Barack Obama may not realize it, but I may have just helped save his presidency. How? By winning a drawn-out fight to protect his powers as commander in chief to wage war and keep Americans safe."
Recently, on a Friday night news dump, the White House "announced" that the DoJ would not prosecute John Yoo, and those in similar situations, for helping America fight terrorism.

Yoo was working in the Justice Department Office of Legal Counsel during the Global War on Terrorism under President G. W. Bush. The Left hates John Yoo because his determinations included the obvious: the Geneva Conventions do not apply when handling terrorists, it is not torture to cause sleep deprivation, etc.

Of course the Geneva Conventions wouldn't apply. The Geneva Conventions didn't apply when a terrorist shot and killed that abortion doctor, ol' whats-his-face, last year in Kansas. Why would they be followed by terrorists who are not fighting for their respective nations, let alone signatory nations.

By no stretch of my imagination would I consider an example of torture to be keeping a terrorist up past his bedtime.

The MSM cries more over the treatment of the Guantanamo detainees than do the Guantanamo detainees.

To summarize: John Yoo stomped the President's yard. Follow the link for the whole thing here.

A: Porque tu asno es afuera de este mundo!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

ObamaCare

Click this link. After you leave the link, I think all of your questions on the health care debate will have been satisfied.

More Yummy Fog

More Hurricanes? -- Global Warming
"The number of hurricanes that develop each year has more than doubled over the past century, an increase tied to global warming."
Fewer Hurricanes? -- Global Warming
"Although global warming could cause the number of tropical cyclones to decrease around the world by the end of the century, the storms that do form probably will be more intense."


Global Warming can be blamed for anything.
I predict Global Warming will cause Mountainman's bowel movements to increase in frequency, but decrease in passion.

Excelsior!

"the single biggest threat to our planet. something out there which threatens our very existence and may be the end to the human race as we know it."
The Painting
(click picture for larger image)

The Inspiration

Monday, February 22, 2010

If There Is A More Embarrassing Reason for Arrest, I Haven't Heard It

Man on Woman? Yay.
Man on Man? Ew.
Man on table? ...Huh?

Mr. Art Price Jr. apparently is a rather creative man who has found himself on the wrong side of the law recently in Toledo, Ohio.
"Police say a man was arrested after admitting to, and being caught on DVD having sex with his picnic table repeatedly."
Apparently Mr. Price was so attracted to his lawn furniture that he on more than one occasion would go outside and (in some crazy way that is unknown to modern science) he would have sex with his metal picnic table.

Perverted Douche


If the act itself is not confusing enough for you, his neighbor was secretly video taping him in the act. This neighbor of questionable intentions taped him not just once, but three separate times before he became bored with the show and dropped off the dvd's at the local police precinct.

I am not sure what sickens me more honestly: the taping or the act. Regardless of my opinion, the law deemed the act to be the problem, and Art Price Jr. is being charged with disseminating harmful material to juveniles and public indecency.

A representative from the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Table group could not be reached for comment.

Brain Farts...


*In Tiger Woods' public apology he thought it was a good idea to point out to the world that he was raised as a 'Buddhist'.
Which reminded me of a line from A Fish Called Wanda,
"The central theme of Buddhism is not, every man for himself."
**Also, apparently Family Guy is still on television. On a recent episode, they hired an actress with Down Syndrome to do a voice on the show. Then on the show, the Down Syndrome actress made some sort of Sarah Palin joke. Which caused Sarah Palin to post something on Facebook. Which caused Seth MacFarlane to say something and which ultimately caused the actress with Down Syndrome to say that she thought that it was funny.

So now, we all know what type of person still finds Family Guy funny.

***I think this year the Oscar for Best Actor will go to Jeff Bridges for his performance in That Movie That's Like the Wrestler Except This Time 'The Dude' Plays a Sad Sack Country Singer instead of a Sad Sack Wrestler

Since 2005, the Oscar for Best Actor has pretty much been a no-brainer: Philip Seymour Hoffman for Capote, Forest Whitaker for the Last King of Scotland, Daniel Day-Lewis for There Will Be Blood... and then last year's Mickey Rourke for the Wrestler...

God, how I hate the fuckin' Oscars

****Also, I heard that America's hockey team defeated Canada's hockey team in the Olympics. So, Take that Canada!

(It's funny because we don't even care.)

Friday, February 19, 2010

The Politics of Murderers

It seems that every time some loon blows a gasket and starts killing people (usually in a "gun free" zone, such as a government building or school) we are treated to the media's interpretation of the criminal's personal politics... when it is convenient for them.

The recent case of Austin's kamikazee murderer, Joe Stack, is no different. It is easy to find examples of media types pontificating on his political leaning, thanks to his over indulgent suicide note. To me, it seems to be the ramblings of an off-the-rails murderer. But even Fox News couldn't resist the urge:
"Joseph Stack, the 53-year-old software engineer who crashed his small plane into a seven-story office building in Austin, Texas, was part of a growing, violent anti-tax and anti-government movement that has become increasingly alarming to law enforcement agencies."
And the Washington Post couldn't help themselves but to take that line of thought a step further:
"After reading his 34-paragraph screed, I am struck by how his alienation is similar to that we're hearing from the extreme elements of the Tea Party movement."
My opinion... which you can simply consider "truth" is that this guy's writing is all over the place, as you would expect of any crazy person. But, if you look at the final line of his note, he bashes capitalism after tauting communism:
"The capitalist creed: From each according to his gullibility, to each according to his greed."
Some people would couple that information, along with his residency in Austin and the fact that he played guitar (if the Black Eyed Peas, Springsteen, and the Dixie Chicks have taught us anything... it's that musicians hate conservatism) and conclude that if a crazy person could have political leanings... this guy would definitely lean left. Now, I'm not saying that-- but I see how "some people" could reach that conclusion.

(In related news, UAH professor and fellow murderer, Amy Bishop DID have an obvious political stance... which went mostly unnoticed by the media.
"A family source said Bishop, a mother of four children - the youngest a third-grade boy - was a far-left political extremist who was “obsessed” with President Obama to the point of being off-putting."
However, since the woman is absolutely insane and/or evil, I won't put too much credence into who she voted for.)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Dust In the Wind


For those of you who are either blissfully unaware or as dumb as a box of hair, Elton John is a very very gay individual. Though if you ask him, he isn't the only celebrated figure to live his life that way...

"I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems." -- Sir Elton in Parade Magazine

Screw Dan Brown and his Holy Grail = Mary Magdalene theories; I think Sir Elton is on to something here. What is he on to? Most likely a dude's hairy back.

How to be green without being an idiot.


There are lots of ways to be green, reduce your carbon footprint, and fight global warming. You could drive a hybrid, become a vegetarian, or have green sex.

All of those things make you a douchebag. The best solutions to imagined problems are usually the easiest ones, and that is why you should drink wine from a box. Not only is it cheaper, it lasts longer, and it fits under a car seat better, but it's also easier to throw across a river.

Switching to wine in a box for the 97 percent of wines that are made to be consumed within a year would reduce greenhouse gas emissions by about two million tons, or the equivalent of retiring 400,000 cars.

(Remember, for only $2,850,200,000, the US government retired nearly 678,000 cars.)

So please, don't turn your back on America, be green without being an idiot, and drink wine from a box.

Here is a fun game

Read this article, and every time it says "transportation department", or "government", or "Obama administration", and so on, simply replace that phrase with "GM officials". Like this opening line:

"The government ordered Toyota to turn over documents related to its massive recalls"
would instead be:
"GM officials ordered Toyota to turn over documents related to its massive recalls"

Enjoy the hijinks.

Really?

Seriously?
You didn't expect this? Come on. Really?

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Good News Everyone!


Some good news on the job front for those 9,300,000 unemployed workers. Al Gore says that green technology might create 100,000 jobs in the midwest 5 years from now! Your wait is potentially only 1,820 days from being over!

For the 99% of you who won't be able to get one of these coveted "Green" jobs, don't worry. Once more legislation and carbon taxes get passed there might possibly be another 100,000 jobs created around 2020.


You Can Have Your Cake and Eat it Too!

A lot of people, especially recently, have noticed certain....shall we say....inconsistencies in global warming science. What most have failed to realize is the pure genius behind the way it is portrayed. They cannot be wrong, because no matter the weather is, global warming is the cause.

Proof:

More fog? -- Global Warming
Less fog? -- Global Warming

Global warming alarmists may not be good at all the science and data stuff, but they are brilliant P.R. tacticians.