I watched the England v. USA soccer game. . . match last Friday. I am trying to get into the whole World Cup thing. I don't have anything against soccer. It is a fine game, it just doesn't hold a candle to football/baseball/(non-NBA) basketball/wrasslin'.
I enjoyed the game, mainly I think, because of the energy of the crowd and the possibility of hooliganism from the players. Also, I respect, with all of the integrity at my command, the fantastic shape each player is in.
I may enjoy the game more if I knew what the shit was going on. I don't get yellow cards, "extra time", "off sides", or a lot of other things that foreign, dirt babies learn before they exit the womb.
Related: The Onion just won the internet.
Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay
Why is the world so madly in love with "football"? (Earth translation: soccer) It seems all non-Americans would give their first born to be able to play in 1 World Cup match. Their toddlers learn to run before they can successfully manipulate their fingers since they have been playing soccer from the first possible instant. It smacks of Catholicism: people from poor countries are born into it and forced to like it.
Why is America so madly indifferent with soccer? Because we didn't grow up on ant hills. By winning the cosmic lottery, we were born in a land where we can choose to play any sport or any number of sports. Your kid wants to play football? Sign him up for Pop Warner. Your kid wants to shoot clay pigeons? Buy him a shotgun. That kid from Ghana wants to compete in the snowboard half-pipe at the X Games? Too freaking bad. Here is a ball, pretend it is a soccer ball. Here is 1000 acres of undeveloped land, pretend it is a soccer pitch. Here are 3 trash cans and a tiki torch, make them into goals.
Now. . . play soccer.
Monday, June 14, 2010
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3 comments:
I made a similar argument to a friend on Facebook. She unfriended me for not "understanding" soccer. That and I called her annoying German husband a Eurodouche, but mostly for not understanding soccer.
funny post. I love the old "Miller High Life" commercial where the guy is fixing his broken window and saying that it's okay that it's a baseball or a football, but if it was a soccer ball "then there are going to be words." There are three sports, baby. Basketball, baseball and Football. Golf for us old guys. Done.
It's odd that in other parts of the world, the kids do play soccer because of their economic situation. Whereas you don't need much money to figure out how to scrounge up a ball or a cabbage or whatever and kick it around.
However, here in America, it's the rich kids that play soccer.
In whatever city you live in, if you're driving by a new 'soccer complex'... you're in an expensive part of town.
So our 'homegrown' soccer talent is all just rich, pasty-ass white kids from the suburbs who chose soccer over tennis.
Oh, by the way, the most goals/highest scoring match in FIFA World Cup history was:
7-5... and that happened in 1954.
But that must've been pretty exciting though. 12 goals in a single match! Wow! That's like a goal every ten minutes or so!
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